PragDave wants to have my lovechild!

subject: access
The magic phrase is arachnophilia

Dave, you are a sweet, wonderful man and I really enjoy spending time with you. That being said, I think it is only fair of me to tell you that I am not attracted to you in _that_way_. No matter how much you want "access" via a "magic phrase", declaring your "love for spiders", I'm just not available to you in that capacity. I hope this doesn't put a crimp on our relations.

Yours Truly,
ZenSpider